Re: E-ring drama

Honestly, I would have been happy with a freakin reshaped paperclip. I had no input whatsoever on my ring, and I couldn't care less about that. It is a gorgeous ring - but it's not even about that.
Marraige has gotten so commercial and this is a blaring example of that. Who cares what your ring looks like as long as it was given to you by the person you love more than anything. She definitly should NOT say anything to him- that;s horribly rude and makes me question whether she's really ready to get married....sorry, JMO.

Re: E-ring drama

Wowww....

There are some very strong opinions about this. I understand what everyone is saying.

However, you don't know her situation. The ring IS important to some people. You are wearing it for the rest of your life... it would be nice if you get to LOVE it. FH wanted me involved in picking it out and making sure it was just right for me to be sure I loved it.

I'm not saying she should say something- all of you are right it might hurt him. At least she was seeking someone else's opinion first.

She might not be such a terrible, superficial person. JMO

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Posted by KYBride09

She told me that they have been together for 7 years and she always spoke about wanting to get a 2 carat ring. She feels that he should have waited a bit longer until he was able to afford it…… I was speechless!!

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Re: E-ring drama

did she ever think maybe it's what he could afford?

that is beyond horrible
I actually told FH to get smaller... he was looking at 3.5 ct. mine is 1 ct total 1/2 center stone and 1/2 side stones my ring

NEVER EVER EVER tell a man it's not good enough.... he got it for a reason

Re: E-ring drama

Ridiculous!

First the most important thing about a diamond is the quality and clarity NOT the size. A two carat ring can cost just as much as a one carat depending on quality. She needs to really ask herself if this is truely going to make her happier. It sounds to me like shes missing something in her relationship so she needs to make up for it elsewhere....like the size of her diamond....give me a break....

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It sounds to me like shes missing something in her relationship so she needs to make up for it elsewhere....like the size of her diamond....give me a break....

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Re: E-ring drama

I would tell her not to...what if he thinks that she cares about the ring size more than she cares about the commitment to him it represents? When you get engaged, you do the best you can and then build your future from there...I know so many women who made their first diamonds into neclaces and replaced the original diamond with a bigger one!!!
ETA: I agree that something is lacking in their relationship...the bigger diamond represents something to her that is missing

Message edited 8/28/2008 11:27:23 PM.

Re: E-ring drama

I don't see the difference between wanting a 2 carat ring and wanting orchids flown in for your centerpieces or an expensive wedding gown... it's all money out of your wedding budget.


I feel like this girl might have been venting to a friend and now she is being made out to be a horrible person. JMO

Re: E-ring drama

this is a very delicate subject because to some girls size does matter. I really feel that when you get a ring its soo special not just the ring...but the commitment. I feel that she shouldn't tell him because it will hurt his feelings. I know she must be feeling bad but he should think about her FH as well she doesn't know how long it took him to save for it??? or maybe he feels that there are other bigger things to invest in the future...like a wedding or buying a house which i think is really important. I know some ladies might be saying "but if you were her you will probably feel bad" and I agree I don't know how she feels because I am not in that situation but I certainly could say that she should think things over before acting...

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Posted by MrsZtoBe

I don't see the difference between wanting a 2 carat ring and wanting orchids flown in for your centerpieces or an expensive wedding gown... it's all money out of your wedding budget.

I feel like this girl might have been venting to a friend and now she is being made out to be a horrible person. JMO

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Re: E-ring drama

um....greedy much? also, what are her motivations for getting engaged to begin with? DH could have gotten me a cigar wrapper and I still would have said yes.

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um....greedy much? also, what are her motivations for getting engaged to begin with? DH could have gotten me a cigar wrapper and I still would have said yes.

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Posted by RockysGirl

I used to tell my FH before we were engaged that if it meant marrying him with only a RING POP instead of a diamond, I'd still do it. (between you and me tho, I'm glad he went with the diamond - but I know for a fact that I would still love him and marry him no matter what)

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Re: E-ring drama

If he's just being cheap and he defenetly can afford a bigger ring, I would say something. The ring is very important to some people and you have to wear it for the rest of your life. It's not fair to her to have something on her that she hates. If he just can't afford something bigger and she knows it, then that's just so wrong. I would never. It's about the person you love not the bling!

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Posted by RockysGirl

I used to tell my FH before we were engaged that if it meant marrying him with only a RING POP instead of a diamond, I'd still do it. (between you and me tho, I'm glad he went with the diamond - but I know for a fact that I would still love him and marry him no matter what)

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It's so funny you say this. That's what DH said to me all the time and that i'd have my choice of flavors. And wouldn't you know it? When he proposed, he had a ring pop right there with him (and the real ring, of course).

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Re: E-ring drama

I can't believe after 7 years she thinks that way...she should just be happy that they are finally getting married !!!

I love the ring my fh got me but i would have said yes to anything as long as it mean spending the rest of my life with him...

maybe if it is really bothering her she can get a fancy wedding band... but if i were you i would just tell her to shut up an appreciate the man that loves her greedy booty!!!!

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Posted by soontoobemrsk

Tell her to forget about telling him. All it will do is hurt his feelings. He put time, effort, and love into picking this ring and this diamond for her. He spent whatever he was able to, and would probably just feel inadequate if she asked for a bigger one.

Also tell her that an engagement ring is something that is supposed to have meaning to her regardless of the size/money spent on it. It is about the promise behind the ring, not the size of the rock. It represents the relationship, and the love in the relationship. It is something that will forever remind her of the day he asked her to marry him. It shouldnt be replaced. In my opinion, shes being very superficial and ungrateful.

HTH

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Re: E-ring drama

Flowers and a dress are style and what catches your eye, what you like.......the ring on the other hand if it was about style and not like the "Setting" I believe this would be a completely different thread. This is about size of a diamond and nothing more. Not everyone has a say in their engagement ring, some people shop together and most with a budget.

Do I think she is greedy, YES!
She doesnt want to wear it to the office why? Because she is embarrassed of it and felt she "deserved" more OR because she wants it bigger b/c the girl who sits next to her has a 2ct ring and she is jealous and feels that she is not up to par with her.

We had an issue with my 1st ering, I didnt choose to change it.......thats just the way the cards fell. Guess what~the one I have now is smaller and I dont care. The thought behind it is exactly that~ A diamond is forever as is a marriage~size means nothing.

I feel that people who "want bigger" and complain about the size of their diamond need to get a grip. I dont care what the reasoning is. its a ring that signifies someone wanting to spend the rest of their life with you and believe you are "the one" not bigger is better and he spent more and got me a 2ct ring

To me, and Im sure there will be those that argue against this, my thought on wanting bigger when you JUST got your ring is petty, sad and really ridiculous. Its all about what your SO other can afford and what they pick for you. An ering is not about being flashy or flaunting your hand its about a relationship~diamond or not an engagement ring is someone commiting their life to you.

YES some people have 2ct rings, hell some have 5 ct rings....am I saying they are spoiled? NOPE! Im saying a guy chooses the ring to be a reflection of his love not how big his wallet is.

Re: E-ring drama

I suggest you explain to her what a 2 carat ring really looks like... and how much they cost!! I mean I think we all dream up these scenarios where we get a solitaire diamond that's 2 carats, then you grow up and actually see how big it is (for me, a stone that big would look ridiculous) and how much money it is for a decent quality stone of that size, she may just not understand how these things really look. That's a LOT of money to spend on a ring, when you're planning a wedding as well. Perhaps you can get her a reality check on that front - I hear the majority of women out there have beautiful rings that are 1 carat or less that are beautiful.

I can sympathize if she had an idea in her head of what she wanted and the ring is totally different and she's disappointed, I mean in a way she's entitled to feel that way, but (1) she's being silly because it's all about size and no mention of design, (2) she's being totally unrealistic in thinking that 2 carats is "the norm" and (3) even if she feels disappointed, she can't say that to her fiancee. If she does, it will inevitably hurt his feelings and it's likely he will re-evaluate all the months that he spent working just to pay for the ring, all the planning that went into it, and consider whether this girl actually cares about his feelings because I can't see ever doing that to the guy you love.

Re: E-ring drama

That's rough, I wouldn't say anything because I know how long FH spent trying to find the perfect ring, I think it would have crushed him if I said I wanted a different one

Re: E-ring drama

DH's coworker did this to her husband when they got engaged. He told her this ring or no ring. They've been married 20 years. Guess what? Still no ring!

Re: E-ring drama

I am sure I am going to get ripped apart for this BUT
I guess I am a selfish biotch but I understand her disappointment . I would have said yes if it was a 1/8 carat but I would have been super disappointed with it , and I would have mentioned at some point that I hope to upgrade .

Everyone's financial situation is different of course, but in my circle of family ( and FH's for that matter) a 1/8 carat ring would be talked about like you have no idea. Is it superficial - yes Am i when it comes to quality and size of a diamond? - hell yes ! sorry but this is the ring you will have for the rest of your life , you should love it , and if size matters to you , you shouldn't feel like a terrible person for it. If you expect things you KNOW he cannot afford that's a different story . If you rather wait for the ring you so it can be bigger, better quality whatever, so what that's her choice.

My FMIL looked at my ring and yelled at FH and told him that it wasn't big enough , he should have gotten me a 3 or 4 carat ring , mine is over 2 , and I was shocked that she said that.

Yes I would marry FH regardless of the ring, but I would have been disappointed and said something if he could afford to upgrade .

Re: E-ring drama

UPDATE:

I pretty much summarized everything you ladies said to me, and told her the pros vs. cons about her telling him. She said that she wants to LOVE her ring not just like it. He got her the stone and setting she wanted, she’s just not happy with the carats. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, but she wants to ask if they can “upgrade”

I have to agree with PegaLega; she doesn’t want to wear it to the office because everyone here have big flashy e-rings (2.5 and above). I remember when I got engaged, the ladies I work with will comment on how small my diamond is, and that why I didn’t get at least a 1.5 carat ring, etc… Am not going to lie and say that I brushed them off, because it really hurts when people keep saying it over and over again. You just want to hear them say “wow is gorgeous”

This girl also makes more money than her FH, and she’s always buying expensive stuff (purses, wallets, etc) so I think that’s why she is soooo into the big flashy rings.
She also added: “girls that have rings bigger than 1.5 carats will tell the girls with the smaller rings to be happy and contempt”

Message edited 8/29/2008 11:05:52 AM.

Re: E-ring drama

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Posted by jessnstu08

I am sure I am going to get ripped apart for this BUT
I guess I am a selfish biotch but I understand her disappointment . I would have said yes if it was a 1/8 carat but I would have been super disappointed with it , and I would have mentioned at some point that I hope to upgrade .

Everyone's financial situation is different of course, but in my circle of family ( and FH's for that matter) a 1/8 carat ring would be talked about like you have no idea. Is it superficial - yes Am i when it comes to quality and size of a diamond? - hell yes ! sorry but this is the ring you will have for the rest of your life , you should love it , and if size matters to you , you shouldn't feel like a terrible person for it. If you expect things you KNOW he cannot afford that's a different story . If you rather wait for the ring you so it can be bigger, better quality whatever, so what that's her choice.

My FMIL looked at my ring and yelled at FH and told him that it wasn't big enough , he should have gotten me a 3 or 4 carat ring , mine is over 2 , and I was shocked that she said that.

Yes I would marry FH regardless of the ring, but I would have been disappointed and said something if he could afford to upgrade .

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Re: E-ring drama

I don't think there's any way the friend can tell her FH that the size of the ring is too small. He obviously bought her the ring he could afford. I think that if she was not happy with the STYLE of the ring, that might be a different story. Maybe then she could politely tell him that she wished the setting were different because afterall, it is a lot of money being spent and you'd want to love the setting. Stone size though is really a matter of budget!

Also, I agree with another poster who said that this girl was probably talking to her friend in confidence and now everyone is making her out to be some greedy awful person. I love my ring and I would never ask my FH for it to be bigger but I would also be completely 100% lying if I said that I didn't care in the slightest what it looked like. I think it's a tad naive to think most people are just so happy to be engaged that they would wear a paperclip on their finger. A engagement ring is a beautiful thing to be cherished forever. I care what mine looks like!

Message edited 8/29/2008 11:16:06 AM.