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TheFutureMrsM
Day After Pics Sept 27th
Member since 11/05 5516 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/7/2008 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Sans Souci
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Just feel like venting
Last summer we went to a good friend of DH's wedding, we gave them $400 dollars as a gift
They rsvp'd no to ours but said our gift was on its way, we just got the gift, which was about $50 dollars worth of bakeware off our registry.
DH was like they are done with.
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Posted 8/28/08 2:47 PM 
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Jenn04
MARRIED!!!!
Member since 3/04 3190 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/21/2008 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Giorgio's
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Re: Just feel like venting
Ughhh -wow.
Are they OOT?
I could go on all day about how we got jipped and stiffed, etc. Its awful. People have no etiquette.
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Posted 8/28/08 2:48 PM
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loislane
Who ya gonna call?GHOSTBUSTERS
Member since 6/07 1066 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/21/2008 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
booked
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Re: Just feel like venting
No offense but from the looks of your mansion in your profile pics it looks like you can afford the 400. If you are going to black list someone for a 50 dollar gift maybe you should send it back to them.
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Posted 8/28/08 2:52 PM
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Espo22
Mrs. Espo
Member since 11/06 48967 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/17/2008 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by loislane
No offense but from the looks of your mansion in your profile pics it looks like you can afford the 400. If you are going to black list someone for a 50 dollar gift maybe you should send it back to them.
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Posted 8/28/08 2:54 PM
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MrsQ-in2007
Ahhhhhhh, they are OUT!!!!!
Member since 10/06 11039 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/12/2007 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau Briand (A+)
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by Espo22
Posted by loislane
No offense but from the looks of your mansion in your profile pics it looks like you can afford the 400. If you are going to black list someone for a 50 dollar gift maybe you should send it back to them.
I'd say that's a perfect use of that emoticon!!!
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Posted 8/28/08 2:55 PM
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snwb08
mahwage!!!
Member since 4/07 4314 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/31/2008 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
on the water
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by loislane
No offense but from the looks of your mansion in your profile pics it looks like you can afford the 400. If you are going to black list someone for a 50 dollar gift maybe you should send it back to them.
rudeness, much? 
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Posted 8/28/08 2:57 PM
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Espo22
Mrs. Espo
Member since 11/06 48967 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/17/2008 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by MrsQ-in2007
Posted by Espo22
Posted by loislane
No offense but from the looks of your mansion in your profile pics it looks like you can afford the 400. If you are going to black list someone for a 50 dollar gift maybe you should send it back to them.
I'd say that's a perfect use of that emoticon!!!
 i was gonna say something but that this emoticon would say it all
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Posted 8/28/08 2:57 PM
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TheFutureMrsM
Day After Pics Sept 27th
Member since 11/05 5516 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/7/2008 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Sans Souci
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by loislane
No offense but from the looks of your mansion in your profile pics it looks like you can afford the 400. If you are going to black list someone for a 50 dollar gift maybe you should send it back to them.
Your probably a guest that puts shake and bake coupons in the envelope
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Posted 8/28/08 2:59 PM
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snwb08
mahwage!!!
Member since 4/07 4314 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/31/2008 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
on the water
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
Posted by loislane
No offense but from the looks of your mansion in your profile pics it looks like you can afford the 400. If you are going to black list someone for a 50 dollar gift maybe you should send it back to them.
Your probably a guest that puts shake and bake coupons in the envelope
OMG i just choked on my egg salad
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Posted 8/28/08 3:01 PM
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soon2bmrsVPT
I love my Daisy!!!
Member since 1/06 4330 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/13/2007 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Just feel like venting
wow
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Posted 8/28/08 3:03 PM
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sophisticat13
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Member since 11/07 1957 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/20/2008 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Land's End
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by snwb08
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
Posted by loislane
No offense but from the looks of your mansion in your profile pics it looks like you can afford the 400. If you are going to black list someone for a 50 dollar gift maybe you should send it back to them.
Your probably a guest that puts shake and bake coupons in the envelope
OMG i just choked on my egg salad
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Posted 8/28/08 3:03 PM
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MJDoc12
WE SALUTE YOU!!!
Member since 10/05 11851 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/25/2007 11:15 AM
Wed. Location:
Watermill Caterers.. A++++
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Re: Just feel like venting
Soooo because they didn't give you a gift that was equal to or more than what you gave them, it means the friendship is over???
How do you know their financial situation right now? Maybe they SEEM to have $$ and they don't and they wanted to send something anyway.
I know everyone is different but I really do NOT and NEVER WILL understand the concept of "I gave this much and they are supposed to give us something of equal or more value in order for it to be okay".
Its like they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. I would hope you wouldn't end an entire friendship over a gift you deem too cheap.
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Posted 8/28/08 3:04 PM
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soon2bmrsVPT
I love my Daisy!!!
Member since 1/06 4330 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/13/2007 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by TheFutureMrsM
Last summer we went to a good friend of DH's wedding, we gave them $400 dollars as a gift
They rsvp'd no to ours but said our gift was on its way, we just got the gift, which was about $50 dollars worth of bakeware off our registry.
DH was like they are done with.
here's what I've always been told. When someone RSVPs no, they dont *have* to send a gift. To send a gift is being courteous. You didn't pay for their plate anyway. The gift is just something extra. They could have RSVPed no & sent nothing.. JMO
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Posted 8/28/08 3:04 PM
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FullersBride
Thank heaven for little girls!
Member since 12/06 2455 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/21/2007 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Just feel like venting
Maybe they are having a hard time financially. A lot of people are having a hard time right now....they may not show it but they are......
I can understand how you feel..... I still have a Groomsmen who for months kept saying, "oh I forgot your gift at home"........more than 1 year later....no gift................It's not about the gift to me....just don't say anythign if your not going to give us anythign..because then we expect it.
I also have a few close friends who gave us nothing....not even a card.....I didn't have the heart to ask if it got lost.......I didn't want anyone to feel akward if money was tight for them.
These things are frustrating....especially when you put so much thought and $$ onto someone elses gift..............but don't throw away a good friendship because of this, especially because you may not have all teh facts!
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Posted 8/28/08 3:05 PM
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soon2bmrsVPT
I love my Daisy!!!
Member since 1/06 4330 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/13/2007 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Just feel like venting
just a heads up to fellow NWs..
THE DID NOT ATTEND THE WEDDING.... it isnt as if they stiffed them 
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Posted 8/28/08 3:06 PM
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MeNBobs
Jonesin for Jones
Member since 1/07 4917 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/3/2007 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau La Mer
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Re: Just feel like venting
I know this is a vent and you didn't ask for opinions but I just wanted to say something.
I don't think you should give gifts to get gifts. What was the point of you giving them $400 if you expected them to give you the same in return. I think it was very kind for them to even send a gift since they sent in the RSVP saying they could not attend your wedding. Maybe $400 was not in their budget, maybe to them $50 means a lot more than $400 does to you. Regardless of how much they make I think it is a bit shallow to end a friendship with someone over a gift that I believe I was entitled to or deserved.
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Posted 8/28/08 3:06 PM
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PreshusSmurf
Beyond Obsession
Member since 5/06 7725 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/10/2007 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by soon2bmrsVPT
just a heads up to fellow NWs..
THE DID NOT ATTEND THE WEDDING.... it isnt as if they stiffed them
Right.
And based on our guests who didn't come to the wedding ...
ANY gift given by a guest who didn't come to the wedding is EXTRA generous.
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Posted 8/28/08 3:09 PM
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teenigrrl
under contract
Member since 4/07 5197 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/17/2008 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by MJDoc12
Soooo because they didn't give you a gift that was equal to or more than what you gave them, it means the friendship is over???
How do you know their financial situation right now? Maybe they SEEM to have $$ and they don't and they wanted to send something anyway.
I know everyone is different but I really do NOT and NEVER WILL understand the concept of "I gave this much and they are supposed to give us something of equal or more value in order for it to be okay".
Its like they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. I would hope you wouldn't end an entire friendship over a gift you deem too cheap.
very well said, ITA!
my friend was married last year, and we gave her a very generous gift. for our wedding, they gave quite a bit less, but that didn't matter one bit to us. we gave what we could, and they gave what they could. a gift is just that - a gift. you don't give a gift with the expectations of receiving something of equal value in return.
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Posted 8/28/08 3:13 PM
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Snick n Nick
Lovin my Husby :) bzz bzz....
Member since 10/07 4802 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/7/2008 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Hamlet Willow Creek
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by PreshusSmurf
Posted by soon2bmrsVPT
just a heads up to fellow NWs..
THE DID NOT ATTEND THE WEDDING.... it isnt as if they stiffed them
Right.
And based on our guests who didn't come to the wedding ...
ANY gift given by a guest who didn't come to the wedding is EXTRA generous.
totally. most people who didn't come didn't send gifts, we got a couple of checks from some of my dad's cousins (Italian family, very tied to "what's appropriate"), and that was it!
And frankly, we were thankful for any gift! If someone gave us a $400 gift, we certainly wouldn't be able to gift in kind, we just can't afford it. I'm already worried how we're going to travel, stay over, and give $200 gifts to 3 of our friends who are getting married in sept and oct, not to mention DH going to 2 bachelor parties....
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Posted 8/28/08 3:14 PM
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Colette
Change *I* Can Believe In!
Member since 6/07 2722 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/24/2007 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Castle on the Hudson
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Re: Just feel like venting
Exactly. If you do the math, a $400 gift for 2 people may or may not even "cover 2 plates" (tho i HATE that game of wedding algebra)... Conservatively, if they paid $150pp, the "extra" was $100 for 2 people. If the wedding was more pp, that figure would be even lower. So even a $50 gift for 2 people who did NOT attend is "extra" as it cost you nothing (besides 2 stamps). I understand the vent but I think its sad to lose a friendship over something so well, petty. There were loads of folks at my wedding who gave us WAY more than I would be able to reciprocate with today. I would always try to pass ourselves, but realistically, I wouldn't "match" what many of them gave us.
Also guessing at others' financial status is a really ingracious thing to do imho and a sure way to drive yourself bonkers...
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Posted 8/28/08 3:19 PM
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Espo22
Mrs. Espo
Member since 11/06 48967 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/17/2008 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace
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Re: Just feel like venting
I would be more upset that they didn't come. You said it is a good friend of your dh's and i would think any good friend would want to attend your wedding. Was there a good reason that they were not able to attend the wedding?
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Posted 8/28/08 3:25 PM
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bluegreen08
OBAMA/BIDEN '08!
Member since 4/07 8029 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/17/2008 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: Just feel like venting
Hey, we had an OOT family of 5 give us a $100 Macy's gift card... and come to the wedding! We're not cutting them off.
I understand the frustration -- we certainly had our fair share of very generous and less generous (at least for NY standards) gifts, but we're not holding it against anyone. (Although I do admit I'm curious to reconcile our gift list with our invite list and see if anyone stiffed us)
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Posted 8/28/08 3:28 PM
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DNicholes
Bye 07' Board!! :(
Member since 4/06 5231 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/9/2007 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Cottage
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Re: Just feel like venting
this topic is always wonderful...
I will admit I always learned if you RSVP'd no to a wedding, you should send a gift but much much less then what you would normally b/c your "plate isn't being used".....our norm for gifts when RSVPing no...would be $75 which I think is generous for not attending the wedding.
Does it suck you gave $400, yes but that was you & DH's choice.......would I cut the person out of my life over it? NO....
Maybe the couple when opening your generous amount, got really embarassed knowing that they couldn't afford to give that in return hence why they RSVPd no.
christ I got gift certificates from VERY good friends to BB&B for the wedding...did I write them out of my life over it...no way. would I give that to them as a gift, no but that's just me, everyone is different. Out of towners are very different, people are in all sorts of financial troubles that are never openly discussed so I could never run someone out of my life over it.
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Posted 8/28/08 3:29 PM
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PreshusSmurf
Beyond Obsession
Member since 5/06 7725 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/10/2007 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by DNicholes
I will admit I always learned if you RSVP'd no to a wedding, you should send a gift but much much less then what you would normally b/c your "plate isn't being used".....our norm for gifts when RSVPing no...would be $75 which I think is generous for not attending the wedding.
Many people are taught this. Its the "nice" thing to do.
But not everyone subscribed to this school of thought, which is why I still do feel that any gift given by a non-attendee is still GENEROUS.
98% of our guests who didn't come to the wedding didn't send a gift.
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Posted 8/28/08 3:39 PM
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DNicholes
Bye 07' Board!! :(
Member since 4/06 5231 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/9/2007 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Cottage
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Re: Just feel like venting
Posted by PreshusSmurf
Posted by DNicholes
I will admit I always learned if you RSVP'd no to a wedding, you should send a gift but much much less then what you would normally b/c your "plate isn't being used".....our norm for gifts when RSVPing no...would be $75 which I think is generous for not attending the wedding.
Many people are taught this. Its the "nice" thing to do.
But not everyone subscribed to this school of thought, which is why I still do feel that any gift given by a non-attendee is still GENEROUS.
98% of our guests who didn't come to the wedding didn't send a gift.
I never said everyone is subscribed to this school of thought, I said "I always learned"
I wasn't saying it's wrong for people not to send a gift,
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Posted 8/28/08 3:42 PM
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